.Wednesday 28 March 2012 ♫ 04:54 ♫
Love stories.That phrase tickles me. I'm not too sure if it's in a good way or not. How we all wish to have the perfect love story to experience. I'm sure you wish for it too.
The classic boy meets girl. Fall in love. Girl tries to push the boy away. He grabs her and gives her that romantic kiss we all want to feel. They get together.
But really? I never thought of that. All I want from this love story is happiness. Not for only me, but for us. How I wish I can rid of these horrible feelings. I'm sick of it. I sick of repetition. It's so annoying. I'm pissed. It's horrid. I cannot take these horrid feelings. I wish so willfully for them to go away.
Screw this. Go then. =.=
.Saturday 10 March 2012 ♫ 08:09 ♫
The piano tunes resonates in my head. I feel my tears gently flow down the red eyes to the puffy cheeks. They hit the floor as the rain did. I stay drenched in the heavy rain as my fingers furiously hit on the keys. They turn weak with every note. I cover my eyes, and screamed out to the empty street, "Why?".
I stare at the blood covered hand. When did this appear? My hands trembled, I bit my lip and knew. I was going mad again. The rain fails to wash away these scars and blood. I looked up into the blank black sky and had the rain in my eyes. My vision blurs more and I could see and hear so much more; the Sun, the blue sky, the clouds. I smiled softly, looking at the brightness of the world. My eyes soon filled up and the rain flowed over my eyes, and the hopeful vision didn't last long. My immediate frown turned to a cry as I tried to grab the light back into this dark road I stay in.
The bloody rain replaced the clear water and drenched me in remorse. I could only hear my cries, my regrets, my anger. The sky turned blood red and so did my iris. I could feel warm blood tearing down my cheeks as I smashed the piano in front of me. My strength was immense that the railroad tracks I was on could hardly keep itself intact. I couldn't anymore... Hope was gone for me. I couldn't go any further to search for hope that just slipped out of my hands.
The crisp hard beats in the atmosphere took the beats of my heart, if I ever had one. I felt the blood pulsing in my ears and take over me. This anger cannot be kept inside anymore... I have to let it out, I thought. That was all I wanted. It's been kept in the piano for too long. It burst like nothing I ever felt. It was a relief, I sighed. For a brief moment, I felt myself smile.
I turned around and saw, the whole environment, the whole world I was in. My eyes opened wide in shock while scanning the lands. Destroyed. Everything was gone, left in ruins.
Visions of my regrets flash in front of me. It goes back in time with every one. With each passing sight, my eyes swelled up in tears. I felt my heart shrinking, aching and crying in pain. I couldn't feel anything but the pain of regret. This anger, this sadness. It hurt me a lot... It made me alone.
I don't like being alone. I hated being alone. I just kept seeing that you cared about the Others more. The Others... What's so good about them, really? Am I really that unimportant to you? Do they really mean everything to you to the point that all you talk about is them, and no longer about me? Have I bored you that much to the point that there is nothing to talk about me anymore? The gentle piano tune came back again, sadly playing itself. I closed my eyes and thought about the past again. Why? Why am I still here? Why didn't I run away when I had the chance?
I opened up my eyes and fixed my gaze on you. Your back turned towards me. That was when I knew. I could see so many people in front of you. All reaching out for you. You had yourself on a separate land from me, reaching out your arms to help everyone. Yes, that was what I was doing with my life the last time I knew. The last time I knew I had a life to hold on to. That was your hope, and you were everyone's hope.
Yes, those people have become so much more important to you than I have ever been to you. It doesn't even matter anymore. It would be too late if I tried to reach you. The gap between us is now larger, I cannot jump towards you and grab you back into my life. The warm hugs and thoughtful kisses are now a thing of the past. I cannot regret now, allowing this gap to form. I have to accept the fact that this separation is destined.
I look at you one last time, and all the people who needs you now. I look at the women beside you, holding on to you. That's where I should have been. I have retired, and those women have taken my place. It is time I left.
But looking back into my world, it's destroyed. I sneered at the destruction. Yes, I will go back into this dreaded world alone, all on my own. I saw the world as my wonderland. My wonderland, my precious wonderland. I felt a tear shed and dilute the pool of blood beneath me. If even pain cannot drag him back to me, it's worthless to even try more. I forced myself to drown in the Darjeeling in blood red colour and choked with laughter. Yes, I have gone mad. Though, it was because I was alone that it seems mad.
And it's all because you left me alone to cry.
It's all because I left myself to rot in this horrid world of mine.
It's all because I drowned myself in treacherous hate and anger.
It's all because I got too upset and didn't understand.
Now I understand. Now I get what you mean. Now I will leave you, to comfort.
Though I hope hard that you'll end up like me one day, with another woman, that woman. No, it's not jealousy. It's a sign. I really wish you knew what had been in my mind. You'll find yourself alone. In the same position as me. I will, I swear, eat my heart and swallow my pride. A life of loneliness I shall lead, a heartless persona I shall bear, no regrets shall be made. I will die in this world with happiness in the end, a happiness that only I can experience.
Peace...I really hope.
