.Monday, 15 April 2013 ♫ 09:08 ♫
#nowplaying - Wide Awake
"Gravity hurts, you made it so sweet till I woke up from the concrete"Just really upset. About Nat. And Andrea. So. Yeah.
Heart feels heavy. I just want to kill myself. It hurts so much. I knew from the beginning he liked someone else, why did I put myself through this pain? God knows.
Whatever it is. Going into full depression. Don't really need to be happy anymore. I don't have to act anymore. It's better this way isn't it? It probably is.
I told you we didn't need to talk anymore. You immediately seized replying. It was that easy? So..I wasn't that important to you? I don't matter to you like Andrea does, right?
I'm not pretty.
I'm not skinny.
I'm not perfect.
I don't wear revealing clothes.
I'm never happy most of the time.
I cut myself.
I hurt people.
I hurt myself.
I cry too much.
I whine too much.
I'm stupid.
I'm never free.
I'm a loose woman.
I'm a whore.
I'm a slut.
I'm sleazy.
I'm a disgrace.
I need to plunge myself in pain. I need to forget THIS pain. I need it to go away. Why.. I'm sorry everyone. I just can't take this shit anymore. I NEED to cut. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I'm not human enough.
I'll just let the blood flow and carry my wrath. I'm not sure if I'm more angry or sad. But I'm definitely down and low. I hope you understand that. I'm dying here on the inside. Kill me now.
But what's the point. Because in the end, even if I'm happy, everyone else is upset. The only way to make them happy is through my suffering. So let it be. Let my suffering hit me hard in the face just to make all of you happy.
So just make me as unhappy as you can. Make me kill myself one day. It won't fucking matter. Because then you'll be too happy to notice. You moved on from me anyway. I hope my care for you stays a secret forever, then you won't feel upset and guilty. I'm better this way, I'm better when I'm upset and crying.
Byebye happy shitty-assed Rinko. Die in a hole and never come back up again. Just let me get lost in Wonderland.
-Alyce
Update 1.34AM 16/4/13
While it's fresh
