.Tuesday 21 May 2013 ♫ 11:12 ♫
So. I guess. I'll dump all the cuts I've had since I started keeping track.
6th May 2013
29th April 2013
23rd November 2012
The rest of these were taken some time in 2012. According to order.
So yeah. I guess it's getting from bad to worse or something like that.
Sigh. Will I stop? I don't know either.
-Alice
.Friday 17 May 2013 ♫ 11:02 ♫
I Hate You (Don't Leave Me) - Ke$ha
I was happy today. Cos Calv was nice to me. I was happy. I was.
he drew the line long time ago
He told me already
He said "Syai will always be my friend. I will never let the love get in it way"
Well. There's goes everything. Just my luck, huh. Just when I was on cloud 9, I'm being pushed down already. Thanks so much for this. I won't even bother talking about what made me happy. Doesn't matter anymore. Because it never did. I get the message now. I'm supposed to be upset forever. I can't be happy. I GET IT. OK?
JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME BE BY MYSELF. WHY MUST PEOPLE MAKE ME CRY? WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE HAPPY?
I get it. Everyone hates me. I hate me too you know. Doesn't that make me one of you? Won't I fit in? Why am I so useless and shit. Why can't I be perfect. Why am I like this. Why am I me?
-Alice
.Tuesday 14 May 2013 ♫ 12:15 ♫
I cannot take it.
I mean. Is it wrong. I mean, wouldn't it be better and cleaner for the chat to be clear of unnecessary spam? They could discuss it in their own chat. I mean, it'll also be easier for them so that they won't be interrupted by our conversation. Or vice versa. But..
Me: OH MAI GAWD GAIZ.
your group work, discuss in another chat
your group work, discuss in another chat
Joey: psht
Me: easier mahhh
Calvin: why?
it keeps it active here
its all good
it keeps it active here
its all good
Really now? He's defending her... And yet after that, he tells Mato that posting pics and all isn't allowed so as to keep the chat clean? You know. It obviously says something.. It means something.
Ha. I guess my suspicions are right. I guess they both like each other. And this is just going to be another repeated chapter in my life. Thought I'd never experience this pain of having the person you trust taking away the person you love the most in your life.
I thought this place would be different. I was wrong. It's the same, the exact copy. I'm still sad. I'm still crying every night because of school. I don't want to go anymore. No more assignments, no more friends. Just let me be isolated like I was in Primary school again please... Where the only time I cried was because someone snatched my nugget. And my mother was there to scold the bitch. If only life was like that. If only I didn't have to live it on my own.
I'll get my knife back. I will. Or something. Just something to bring me somewhere else but here.
He wants me to stop cutting. He's a liar. Joey probably told him to tell that to me. It's always the case. I can't trust him anymore. I can't trust that whatever comes out of his mouth is from him. I can't trust him to be him anymore... He's so much like Sean and Nat at the same time. I don't know..
This feeling is killing me. I'm killing myself slowly. I'm dying slowly. Someone save me.. I just fucking hate myself.
-Alice
.Monday 13 May 2013 ♫ 10:15 ♫
Or he'll see.
He saw my cutter today. He saw the blood. But he didn't see any cuts. He was confused. I love the look on his face. It makes him so intelectual. He looks so smart.
He kept pondering about it. He knows something happened. But he doesn't know what. He keeps revealing the blade, and retracting it back in. He looks at it closely, and then looks at me.
He still thinks. He closes his eyes, pulls his cap down and starts biting his nails. That's when he's thinking hard. He's so adorable when he thinks. I love it. I love to see the frustration in him. I love it when he's confused. At least he thinks of me, he's thinking of me. I'm finally on his mind. Finally, I mean something to him.
I love it when he looks at me. I love it when his eyes find mine. But at the same time I hate it. I hate it when he cares. Because I know he does this to everyone else. Every other girl. Especially THAT BITCH.
I want him all to myself. I want him to care for me. I want him to take care of me forever. I want him to be the one. But sadly, he cannot. He's just not it. He doesn't realize anything yet, that I need him most right now. I just needed someone to hug tightly, to hold me in his arms and to tell me everything will be okay. I just need him. Just him... Why is it so difficult..?
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I fell for you. I'm sorry I need you. I'm sorry I'm such a hopeless fuck who can't take care of myself. I'm sorry you're so important to me. I'm sorry.
-Alice
