I'm sad. I'm very sad. And I don't like it one bit. Cj is gonna go for camp on 1st to 3rd oct... who knows what he'll do in that time... and we're not attached. Thats what scares me. He cant tell people "i have a girlfriend, please dont bother me." No.. he can't. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to get attached... so that he can be loose. So he can fuck anyone he wants. ... well..
I guess maybe i found a reason on why i'm sad. So let it be. I guess i'll relapse tomorrow. Gonna head to popular to get a penknife. Then maybe camp in the toilet to cut. Hahahah. Recovery. Whats that? Im not sick. Cutting isn't wrong. It helps me. It distracts me from being sad. I won't be sad anymore if i cut. I won't cry anymore.. no more tears..
He doesn't really love me does he..? I.. I fell for the trap again. I guess I should be punishing myself. So letsee if I manage to cut again tomorrow. Let's see if i manage to go out tomorrow. Let's cut again. Because i miss the blood running down my arm. I miss the taste of it. I miss being hurt by the blade. I miss killing my soul.
-Alyce
