.Sunday, 11 December 2011 ♫ 05:29 ♫
Fucking hell. I've never been so pissed that I can't even swallow water.
I'm shaking badly. It hurts everywhere. I'm holding back so many tears. It hurts so much... I can die this way. I hope I do anyway.
I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. Any incident involving her. It grieves me. I guess, I get reminded of things too easily.Don't I? It's painful enough I can't forget. I did way too many things for her. I loved her so much. And then suddenly, I had to let go, I was pushed away. It was like, being driven off the cliff, and she pushes me off. Then she's up there, moving on with her life, like nothing happened. While I stay in the depths of the dark, bottomless pit, falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. Look at her. She gets everything. All happy and things like that. Friends. Everything.
Me? I don't know. I just keep falling. And falling. And falling. I don't know. When I'll reach the end? No idea. Maybe when I die. I'll hit the ground. Maybe. By then, no one will know of my existence anymore. Because by then, I'll be shattered. And like a glass shattered, the pieces, too small for eyes. No one will know.
Even after being with him for so long. It hurts to know what was, and what never meant to be. It would've been better if he had chosen her instead. They were doing so well. So well.. I could just... I can always get another person. Or. I'm so used to being alone. So, I'll just be alone. That way, I won't hurt anyone anymore. Maybe it is so.. Haha. I wonder why I even let him have me. I don't know. Out of pity? I think. I don't even remember anymore. A pity isn't it..
And now. I'm angry. Because of so many occasions. Why? I don't know. Anything that involves her and him together. Envy... Please stop killing me. Please stop dragging me down deeper, faster. It hurts. I don't want to feel the rush anymore. I don't like it. It freaking hurts. Or. Maybe. It's because, I'm dragging myself down. I don't know. It hurts either way. This envy. It makes me go crazy. I feel like... killing the both of them. Then they'll be happy together. Isn't it better? But why risk two lives, when you can risk only one? To kill myself.. why don't I? Since I'm already falling into the pit of death, pushed away by her. Why not? Hahaha...
Please. Don't be with me anymore. I'll only hurt you more. I've sinned so much... I don't think even God wants me. Not even the Devil. That's why I'm left here. All alone. Where I'll hurt no one. In the first place... Why did you come here? Why couldn't you have just stayed away, like everyone else? Why must you...
Hahahaha.. I don't know anymore. I kept it all in. Too much. I might just burst again. I want to. And I will. (:
~Rinko
