.Monday, 11 June 2012 ♫ 08:43 ♫
11th June 2012
Damn it. Damn it. Fucking damn it.
I feel horrible. So bad right now. Nausea's kicking in, I want to vomit shit I haven't eaten. My chest tightens randomly. My life's a mess. Why can't I just be blind when I wake up? At least I won't be able to face school for a long while. Maybe that will make me avoid all the trouble and pain.
Okay, maybe I did feel a little happy today. Hearing his voice finally, after 2 whole days of loneliness. It brings me joy, somewhat. The only thing to make me properly happy, for now. But everything has to end someday. One day, everything will disappear from my hands once again when I graduate from this horrible place. This horrid horrid memory filled trash. Momentarily, I can only feel giddiness from too much... I don't know. Too much holding back? I don't fucking know.
I haven't cried so much since yesterday. I really needed help. Really did. But when ever I break down, nobody's there for me.
PEOPLE LIE.
They said call whenever I need them. They never picked up. None of them did. My best friend, my close friend, my loved one. Not a single one picked up their damned phones. Do you know how that feels? It feels horrid. When you're just there crying, hoping someone'll call and ask you if you're alright. But it never, never happens. Everything you hoped for was a lie. It never meant to exist, this happiness. You were never meant to have anyone with you. It hurts doesn't it. To be lonely.
It's painful to hear my heart beating so loudly in my ears. It hurts. It hurts so much to be alone here. I wish someone would hold my hand and bring me to safety, to company, to paradise. I wouldn't know anything. I seriously don't, until now.
Oh please. Someone please save me. I just needed someone to wipe my tears. Is it so difficult to be there for me..?
