From: http://justbetti.tumblr.com/

Hello - Evanescence 

Hello.

I'm not sure how much I can take this anymore. 

My mum cooked dinner for my sis today. I was trembling, she never did anything. I told her I was hungry. She didn't budge, nor did my sis. And she goes on about how she doesn't favor one child over the other? Lies. I knew it anyway. Only when I started to walk to make my own dinner, then only did my sis tried to help. Fuck. I pushed her away. Why are you only trying to help now? You just wanted to look good in front of mum, don't you? You're already in her good books, don't you go fucking overboard. I don't need your fake pity. You know something? I bet, even if I starved to death, none of you would care anyway. Because I wasn't supposed to be fucking born in the first place. It was supposed to be Syahirah, not me, right? 

You never wanted a child like me. You never needed me. I was never the plan. I spoilt everything for you. I was ruining everything for everyone. I was a hindrance more than a blessing. I was never meant to be fucking alive. But me killing myself would tarnish the family name, wouldn't it? Why? I wasn't even part of this fucking family in the first place, why would you care? Not like any of you would fucking miss me.

Fine. That was fine. 

Vincent was talking to me on Twitter, and that made me happy. I mean, someone, talking to me. Happily. With no intention at all. But everyone had to ruin all that for me..

Calling me a flirt. 

Taking him away from me.

They couldn't even spare him. 

Even CJ. He's back. But never talked to me. I bet it's not me he's missing. I bet he just wants to hug some other girl he met, and he doesn't really care about me anymore.

Maybe I'm not meant to live with friends and all, you know. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. Vincent doesn't want me anymore now. I give up. I'm done here. These thoughts won't leave my head now. It's getting worse. I'm growing weak to them. Not sure how much longer I'm able to keep myself alive anymore. 

Will I wake up to live? Will I still be able to move when I do? Will I let myself sleep nicely though? Or will I kill myself just like I've been wanting to 5 years ago? 

Can I just die? Please..?

-Syaikhah