.Friday, 14 June 2013 ♫ 11:37 ♫
Shall not blog about the events that happened today. LINE play has all that good shit.
So today people kept telling me to eat and shit....
Gaiz please. I'm trying to shed some useless shit i.e. my whole existence.
Still trying to kill myself at this age. Who am I kidding. Why can't I appreciate life like everyone else. Why am I still alive lol why isn't natural selection doing its job.
Why can't I die. Why couldn't that overdose kill me. Why am I still alive here. why am I still here typing all this?
I thought I was recovering. I wasn't. I just found something else that could hurt me. Even if I didn't bleed. It still hurt. Not just mentally, but physically.
And just putting myself through that torture of watching them converse as my insides cringe. I don't know anymore. I wasn't supposed to love or feel. I wasn't supposed to be human. I wasn't normal. I still am. I still feel envious. Everyone is so much better than me as a whole. I'm just here, still struggling not to kill myself. My own parents against me, my own friends. Everyone's just fighting with me. I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore.
Read most of my past letters/notes/diary. Real interesting. I don't know man, I just. I just feel like sleeping, and never waking up. I won't have to worry about school, money, friends, family. I won't have to think. I won't have to find myself stranded, still lagging behind everyone. Then. well. Isn't that what death is?
Picture spammm.
Okay so uh. Yeah. I guess that's it for today. Just starving and shit. No workout today cos I just did yesterday. Hm. 55kg now. when am I gonna be 35kg :(
-Alice
